


My Eyes

by Shiokami



Series: Medieval Haikyuu AU! [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination Attempt(s), Blind Character, Blind Yamaguchi, Blindness, Disabled Character, Education, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Hinata Shouyou & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Loss of Trust, M/M, Medieval Medicine, Mute Hinata, One-Sided Attraction, Orphans, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebellion, Treason, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiokami/pseuds/Shiokami
Summary: Eyes flutterOpening to the worldClosing to the darknessOpen. CloseHow Yamaguchi and Tsukishima saw the world before finding each other...(Companion piece to My King)





	1. The Eyes that See

_Eyes flutter_   
_Opening to the world_   
_Closing to the darkness_   
_Open. Close_

The first thing Yamaguchi remembers is light.

His mother smiles down at the tiny baby in her arms, small and dark-haired, sweat causing her own dark hair to stick to her forehead as the midwife begins to pack up. The ordeal had been long and terribly painful but it seemed worth it as she stared lovingly at her little boy's preciously speckled face. She smiles up at her husband who had just come in.

"He has your freckles."

Yamaguchi's father beams as his wife hands him the little bundle that is their son. His hands brush against his son's chubby cheeks dusted with the dots he had on his own face. Wide brownish green eyes flutter open and Yamaguchi gurgles softly.

"He has your eyes."

His father stated staring fondly at his wife who leans back, weary from the recent birth. Her own eyes watch her husband cradle their son, one hand reaching out to pull at the sheet that covered the window to expose the bright day happening outside of the dim room. He watches as Yamaguchi's eyes grow impossibly wider, eyes looking even greener as light bathes his pale, freckled cheeks.

The first thing Yamaguchi remembers is the brightness of the light. How it lit up his father's smile and his mother's face whenever it came. How warm it was. But nothing could compare to the warmth of his heart as the light came shining through, illuminating his vision to see the people he loved.

**********  
The first thing Tsukishima sees is darkness.

He was born on a moonless night thus his mother declared he was her moon.

Kei. Her little firefly, she would call him. Her light in that moonless night. Maybe it was the paleness of his hair or the honeyed shade of his eyes, but as far as he knew, this was how she was inspired to name him such.  
Nevertheless, he had his own light.

Akiteru had only been a wide-eyed 6 year old when he was born but his parents swore that the brothers were attached to hip. Akiteru adored Kei.

Kei looked up to his older brother who was kind, good-natured and friendly, admired by everyone.

Life was good. The Tsukishima family was a reputable one, respected as one of the wealthier families in Amemaru. Akiteru had a promising future, easily getting a prominent position, employed by the Baron of Amemaru and gaining the status of Lord.

“Akiteru-nii is so cool.”

10-year-old Kei would say to himself as he watched his brother with wide eyes. Clad in the royal blue that showed his status in the Baron’s household, Akiteru looked very cool to him. As he walked with his brother around the small town, he observed how all the townspeople made an effort to greet them, obviously trying to gain favor. He watched how his father beamed with pride and his mother took every opportunity to talk about Akiteru.

One day. Kei told himself.

I’ll work as hard as Akiteru-nii and be as cool as him.

**********

Thump.

Tadashi was pushed to the ground by the bigger boys. He knew he was small for a 10-year-old, scrawny with his messy dark hair and face full of freckles.

“What’s that dirt on your face, huh? Oh wait, I forgot all those spots are permanent. Good luck making friends with a spotty face.”

Tears burned in Tadashi’s eyes but he promised Mama and Papa that he wouldn’t get into fights. His lips trembled as the bullies laughed at him mockingly.

“Look. He’s crying. How lame. Grow up, cry-baby. Or how about we beat the tears out of you?”

Tadashi had no chance to respond and was grabbed roughly by the collar, the bigger boy raising his fist. He struggled but the boy held him firm. Seeing no point, Tadashi shut his eyes tight and braced for the impact.

It never came.

Instead, he heard an indignant yelp and the hand holding his collar letting go, dropping his feet flat on the ground. Brownish-green eyes flutter open to see a boy impossibly smaller than himself with a bright orange head of hair and fiery golden eyes.

“Leave him alone!”

The boy yelled loudly to his bully who lay on the ground with fearful eyes, clutching to his head. His two other companions stood frozen, not quite sure what to make of what just happened. Before they could react, the orange haired boy grabbed Tadashi’s hand and started running. The freckled boy let himself follow the smaller boy who ran like he had wings on his feet. Soon, they reached a clearing, Tadashi puffing and panting in contrast to the orange haired boy who barely broke a sweat.

“Good, we lost them.”

The orange haired boy said, smiling brightly, almost blindingly at the dumbstruck freckled boy.

“My name is Hinata Shoyou! What’s yours?”

“Uh...Tadashi…Yamaguchi Tadashi..”

The freckled boy stuttered a bit overwhelmed by this bouncing ball of energy who thought it would make it better to grab his hand and start shaking it enthusiastically.

“Nice to meet you Tadashi! Or would you rather I call you Yamaguchi? Mama said that it’s okay to call people by their given names if they allow you so-“

“T-Tadashi is fine.”

Tadashi said stopping Hinata midway through his energetic tirade. He swore that this boy’s smile could outshine the sun by the way his whole face lit up as he bounced.

“You can call me Shoyou then! To make it fair for both of us, you know?”

Tadashi smiled at his new friend.

“Okay then, Shoyou.”

************  
“Akiteru-nii! You’re back!”

The older Tsukishima looked at his younger brother who held such admiration in his eyes, smiling softly to hide his frustration.

The Tsukishima family had recently moved to the larger town of Karasuno, one of the towns located extremely near the capital, close proximity to the King’s castle. Kei and Akiteru’s father who happened to be a wealthy merchant moved the family in hopes of selling his goods to richer clientele. Upon their settlement in a smaller but fairly comfortable house a close distance from the market, Akiteru immediately sought out work in the King’s castle with the recommendations of the Amemaru Baron in hand.

“Did you get the job Akiteru-nii? Did the King see how cool you were?”

The 11-year-old asked his 17-year-old brother, eyes bright and hopeful and confident that his brother got the job.

He spoke animatedly to his brother saying that he hasn’t seen the King yet but he had a job and he’d have to go back to the castle tomorrow to find out. Satisfied, Kei went back to his room probably going to study so he could be as cool as Akiteru-nii in his words.

Misty brown eyes watched his brother run towards his room before pausing and looking back with the bright eager eyes that made his heart clench in guilt.

"Akiteru-nii will help me study tonight, right?"

"Right."

Akiteru responds covering himself up with a reassuring smile directed towards his brother. His brilliant little brother that would probably end up surpassing him in skill and repute

As soon as the door shut, Akiteru met his parents’ knowing eyes and smiled sadly.

His mother is quick to console him giving him the same reassuring smile that he gave Kei.

"Keep working and maybe they'll promote you to a higher position."

She says reaching up to squeeze his shoulder, the sleeve of her finely made dress brushing against the dust-covered material of his own shirt. His father says nothing, his own brown eyes crinkle behind the spectacles he and Kei both had due to less than perfect eyesight. He looked at the older man, silently asking for his thoughts on the matter.

"Keep in mind Akiteru."

His father said in a measured tone, the tone he used when talking to particularly finicky clientele.

"That you were a big fish in a small pond back in Amemaru."

His father pauses deliberately, hands reaching to ruffle blond hair as he offered his eldest son a smile that was not quite reassuring nor disappointing, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Karasuno is not a small pond."

*************

"You're free to go, Tadashi."

His father says, dismissing him after another long morning of teaching his son his craft and trade. His son showed promise in the trade of healing and medicine, being able to identify medicinal plants in a mere glance. He could very well take on his father's job as a herbalist and make a better living. His son had very sharp eyes and that was exactly how a herbalist made his living. One needed the best eyesight to identify the subtleties between each medicinal plant, how to examine how exactly a person felt in order to prescribe the correct draught or herb. For now, however, his son was still a child, still in his early teens, so he let Yamaguchi play a little.

He watched his son run off, fondness in his eyes. A resigned sigh left his lips as he took the weapons hidden under the floorboards of the shack, stuffed it into his healer's bag and headed for the town. A rebellion was upon the village.

14-year-old Yamaguchi threw on his cloak and went to the door.

"Mama! I'm off to visit Shoyou."

His mother smiled at him giving the usual reminders to be home before dark and greet Shoyou's mother if she happened to be there.

Yamaguchi as always reassured her he would do as she reminds him.

He took off towards the forest, eyes taking in the lush green carpet of grass under his feet, stopping occasionally to collect a few plants that he knew would be useful to his father. It was a beautiful afternoon and after a morning hunched over in a dark room blending herbs into draught after draught, his eyes devoured the blueness of the sky with white fluffy clouds scattered across it. As the trees became lesser and lesser, he emerges to the other side of town where Shoyou lived, his house a humble little cottage littered with vibrantly colored flowers.

"Dashi-nii!"

Shoyou's sister, little Natsu greeted him, her cheeks smudged with dirt as she tended to the flowers, her small hands carefully watering them. Her hair, the same bright orange as Shoyou's was fixed with a cord away from her face and she gave him the same bright as the sun smile Shoyou was bound to give. Shoyou's mother peeked out from the cottage window and smiled as well when she saw it was the sweet freckled boy who her son talked so highly of.

"Ah Tadashi-kun, Shoyou will be here shortly, he's finishing up with the letters today."

Shoyou was the apprentice of the village messenger, a bright cheerful face who went around carrying packages and letters delivering them to the designated receiver. Soon enough, Shoyou came running up the pathway calling out to Yamaguchi.

"Tadashi!!!"

Yamaguchi smiled at the shorter boy. Shoyou's energy was very effective and soon both boys went off to the woods. Yamaguchi pointing out each type of flower and plant, telling Hinata what medicine it could be used for and Hinata regaling him with tales of his daily messages.

"There's a lot of talk of an uprising in the village."

Hinata stated, a half-frown on his face as they ventured deeper into the woods.

"They're angry at the King for raising taxes and sending soldiers to rule over us."

The soldiers. They were everywhere these days. Yamaguchi saw them in the market hovering and sometimes bullying the merchants. He saw them harassing some of the village boys for carrying weapons. He saw them around the largest house in the village where the Lord of the village lived. People were angry at the King. He heard his parents talking off how high taxes were becoming and how people who needed treatment but had no means to pay would show up in the healer's huts.

"You don't think there will be an uprising."

Yamaguchi said softly. Hinata's face stayed serious.

"I don't know Tadashi. People are angry."

That night Yamaguchi came home to his frantic mother who quickly pulled him into their house and shut the door quickly, the lock his father had put a few months ago bolting shut. The look in her eyes was unsettling enough as she embraced him. The house was eerily quiet. Then Yamaguchi's blood froze as she answered the question lingering on his lips.

"Your father disappeared Tadashi. He went to join the uprising."


	2. The Eyes that Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eyes blink  
> Once. Twice.  
> Disbelieving  
> But they see what they see
> 
>  
> 
> "How could you lie to me?"

_Eyes blink_

_Once. Twice._

_Disbelieving_

_But they see what they see_

Kei was 15 when he found out Akiteru had been lying to him.

It had been a normal day...

_"Akiteru-nii?"_

_His older brother had looked up from the book they had been studying together. Akiteru had been in the middle of explaining the complexities, Kei diligently taking down whatever he said on a piece of parchment, quill brushing the paper carefully in an attempt to make the writing as pristine as possible._

_"Yes, Kei? Do you have any questions?"_

_Kei looked up at his brother hopefully, a curious expression on his face as he posted his question._

_"I..was wondering if I could go with you to work tomorrow. You used to let me tag along when you worked in Amemaru soo..."_

_Kei trailed off when he saw the strange expression on his older brother's face. Unbeknownst to him, Akiteru's guilt had caught up with him._

_"I..I don't know Kei. I mean it's a very demanding job and the King might not..um."_

_The 15-year old's nose scrunched up, trying to be an adult with his brother._

_"I don't want to distract or bother you Akiteru-nii. I promise I won't be a nuisance."_

_Akiteru looked at his brother who was due to surpass him in height and most probably intellect with how rapidly he learned and how calculating he could be. However he knew Kei still respected him as the older brother._

_"I don't think it's a good idea, Kei. Maybe another time."_

_"What's your position now Akiteru-nii? I'm sure it's more important than being the baron's adviser back in Amemaru. I mean if you were smart enough to get a position like that, it would be no problem for you in the King's castle."_

_Akiteru turned away from his brother so the perceptive 15 years old would not see the pain on his face._

_"Umm..I"_

_"Is Akiteru-nii one of the royal advisers of the King just like he was for the baron? That would be so important."_

_Kei's eyes widened as Akiteru agreed quickly batting off the guilt settling in his chest._

_"I really can't come with you tomorrow, can I Akiteru-nii?"_

_Kei asked hopefully, persisting a bit._

_"Sorry Kei, I really need to concentrate on my work."_

_Akiteru's heart immediately bowed as much as Kei's head did in resignation._

_"Ah. I see Akiteru-nii. I really don't want to be a bother."_

_The older Tsukishima couldn't do anything but offer his brother an apologetic smile and a pat on the head as he stood up to go to his own room._

_"I'm sorry you can't accompany me, Kei. How about we read up on Draconian theories tomorrow?"_

_He watched his brother's face immediately brightened at the mention of his favorite reading material subject. Akiteru felt privileged to be one of the few who saw this side of his brother. From what he heard from his parents, Kei was decidedly snarky and standoffish towards others._

_He helped his brother fix the various books and manuscripts he had brought back from the castle library that day before bidding Kei a goodnight._

 

Tsukishima Kei was determined with all the determination a 15-year-old could have, to visit his brother at work. He had done it before back in Amemaru when he was 10. It had been awe-inspiring to see his brother walking by the Baron of Amemaru, who happened to be the most important man in the town. His 16-year-old brother back then had looked very important, dressed in the rich royal blue robes of a member of the Baron's most important staff. He had heard the whispers of the townspeople, about his brother only being second to the baron in importance as his adviser. He saw how Akiteru-nii's eyes lit up when he had noticed Kei and the Baron had acknowledged the 10-year-old, telling Akiteru that he was sure Kei would become as brilliant as he was. He remembered how his brother had reassured the baron with so much confidence that Kei would surpass him in brilliance.

With Akiteru-nii being an adviser to the King, it would take me years to be as brilliant as he is.

Kei thought as he finished his studies early, calling to his mother that he would be going out to the marketplace for new parchment and quills. Instead, he made his way towards the direction of the massive castle that he could see from his house, truly a splendid sight with its towering stone walls and fine structure. He smirked in satisfaction as many of the other boys along the path cleared out quickly. He knew it was exceptionally tall for a 15-year-old almost surpassing Akiteru-nii in height. Many of the idiotically shallow boys whose fathers were also merchants soon learned how to respect him after being victim to his sharp tongue and wit. He drew himself even taller, the way he remembered Akiteru would do as he walked around Amemaru.

As he walked he recounted the stories his brother would tell him about his work in the castle. The king was about his age, his brother said, left to rule early because of the death of his parents, the former King and Queen. he was a rather moody boy, he remembered his brother say with the look on his face that he knew his brother had when talking about things he didn't particularly like. However, a King was a King whether a child or a senile old man, whether a fair ruler or a harsh dictator, whether a direct heir or a distant kin. Royal blood was not questioned because the veins this blood ran in were what gave the person power. Kei remembered from reading the manuscript of royal laws with Akiteru. he found this ideal rather unbecoming seeing it was the King who made the royal laws. Wouldn't it make more sense for the King to be someone who would be a fair ruler, an able person, someone who served the kingdom? Leaders were called to serve, he read in the royal doctrine of the Kingdom. Shouldn't that be the ideal of a ruler rather than the outdated absolute power ideal of the law?

Kei shook those thoughts away. A good adviser, he remember Akiteru-nii say over and over again until Kei knew it by heart, did not question the authority he would give counsel too. A good adviser merely points out the flaws in his authority's decision. He does not make the decision for the authority but guides him towards the best possible decision.

******************

It had been over a year since Yamaguchi Tadashi had seen his father.

Over a year since his father had disappeared since his mother had become a more withdrawn version of herself.

"You're free to go, Tadashi!"

The last words his father had said to him. Not a goodbye. Not a piece of advice. Not any tender word. His father simply dismissed him. He was free to go. He was free to not spend any more mornings hunched over steaming pots of evil-smelling draughts. He was not obligated to pick every plant he saw in the woods that would be later brewed into a broth of some sort to be sold to the ailing.

Still, Tadashi had done that. He took care of his mother who had changed since his father left. On good days, she aided him in caring for the house, maybe even cooking a little meal for them. On bad days, she was inconsolable, refusing to move, to eat, simply staying in her bed. On bad days, Tadashi wanted to do that too. But he had to remain strong for them, he took over his father's job has the village herbalist healer, pouring all his pent-up grief and anxiety into helping others. Sometimes, he gave the remedies for free if he knew the family was too poor to pay for them.

Shoyou visited occasionally but with his mother and Natsu to support with his job in the village, the visits would become less and less. Sometimes Tadashi could say he saw Shoyou's mother and sister more then he saw his best friend. After he had given them a remedy for Natsu's cough, Shoyou's mother would take it upon herself to visit and help him with the house and the herbs, Natsu often tagging along seeing as his mother was in a better mood after interacting with such a bright young girl. Life soon fell back into a comfortably numb monotone but Tadashi could sense the growing tension in the village. Between the number of physically injured people brought in to be treated and the number of families that did not have enough to pay him, the precaution he took to bolt the lock of the door every night, the chaos he heard by nightfall, something was going to happen.

It had been one of his mother's particularly bad days that the soldiers came down on the village. He had woken up to the smell of smoke and burning. The house had been set on fire. He stumbled still drowsy from sleep to fling open the window, only to see the fiery inferno that was his village illuminating the moonless night sky. Screaming and wailing rang out from a distance, echoing eerily as the crackling of the fire rang in his ears. Suddenly Tadashi jolted, as if he was burnt, ironically. he went to his door, bare feet pounding unsteadily. To his dismay, his mother's door was shut, bolted tight from her fear of soldiers coming for her. 

"Mom!"

Tadashi yelled desperately, fists pounding against the door.

"Mom wake up! The house is on fire! Mom!"

With no answer, Tadashi looked around in vain, eyes settling on the metal stool his father had acquired after the blacksmith had traded it for one of his remedies. Without hesitation, he took it and bracing himself, plowed it against the flimsy wooden door. The door visibly cracked so Tadashi did it once more. Then another time. Sweat rolled down his forehead and his arms shook with the weight of the metal stool but he persisted.

Each crunch to the door's flimsy frame brought him closer to saving his mother. Finally, the door broke open and Tadashi rushed in.

"Mo-"

What he saw horrified him.

What used to be his mother's room was now a wreckage of burning wood, ash, and smoke, the floor near the door about to crumble as well. Brownish green eyes roamed desperately, almost hopelessly until he saw it. The single edge of the blanket on his mother's bed sticking out near the smoking wreckage but away from the burning flame. He hesitated as the floor beneath his feet began to get hotter and start crumbling from the temperature. He turned towards the stairs when suddenly the floor beneath his feet gave out and he fell. Luckily, his house was not a tall one and he landed on the grass, a bit battered but unhurt. Without thinking, he began to scramble towards the wreckage, the thick smoke and heat nearly overwhelming him as he made it to where he saw the blanket peeking out. He knew at the back of his mind that his mother was probably dead, crushed under the wood and burnt by the fire but he dismissed it. he started salvaging through the wood, paying no attention to how the burning edges burnt his hands and the rough cracks cut it. Tears blurred in his eyes as the smoke impeded his vision, poisoning his lungs. Suddenly breathing became harder and he could do nothing but call in a hoarse, raw voice,

"Mom! Mom! Mom, can you hear me? Mo-"

Tadashi collapsed as the smoke and heat overwhelmed him. He could feel the fire coming closer and closer, brushing against his body and leaving him to writhe in pain as a deep burning sensation spread throughout it.

Keep your eyes open Tadashi. Don't you dare close them.

That was the last thought in his mind as darkness overwhelmed him.


	3. The Eyes that Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staring  
> Glaring  
> Wishing  
> Not being able to do anything
> 
>  
> 
> It was so dark....

_Staring_   
_Glaring_   
_Wishing_   
_Not being able to do anything_

The first thing Tadashi feels upon waking up is pain.

It's horrible. His whole body is screaming in agony, burning him as if he was still at the mercy of the fire.

The next thing he feels is fatigue. He's so tired. His eyes are heavy, unable to open. His head is spinning, aching and he's drowsy. Sleep seemed welcoming at this point he thinks. His hands feel the grass, brushing over it when suddenly a painful sensation shoots from some part of his hand brushing against the grass. He's dimly aware of silence around him, all he can hear is the wind, all he can smell is the ash and smoke as it fades. 

Tadashi drifts back to sleep, searching for solace in his dreams.

 

_"Mama?"_

_His mother gazes down at his 5-year-old self, eyes softening at his wide eyes and upset face as she loosens her hair from its usual braided twist. His white nightclothes nearly dwarfs his small figure and fluffy mop of hair falls over his face, his bottom lip trembling. Immediately she scoops him up and cradles him securely in her arms._

_"What's the matter Tadashi?"_

_His 5-year-old self pouts even more at her question and replies in a small, scared manner._

_"My room is dark and scary. Want to sleep in Mama's room like before."_

_His mother sighs, they had just been able to convert the spare room into a bedroom for Tadashi but with him so used to sleeping in the security of their room, it was bound to happen._

_At that moment, Tadashi's father came to see what all the fuss was about._

_Upon hearing his son's dilemma, he promptly took Tadashi from his wife and carried him over to the open window of his room._

_"Tadashi, what do you see?"_

_Brownish-green eyes take in the darkness of the night sky before seeing how it was speckled with stars, twinkling and winking at him. A small gasp caught in his throat as he watched soft light bathe the village below him._

_"Look." His mother said._

_He followed her gaze up to see the moon, full and bright up in the sky, illuminating the dark night._

_"Whenever the dark scares me Tadashi." his father tells him "I remember that I have the moon which has always been my light in the darkness of the nights."_

_"Then I don't have to be scared anymore."_

_The 5-year-old considers it before turning to his father._

_"But what about nights when the moon's not there? What do you do, Papa?"_

_His father smiles before turning to his mother who stares back tenderly at them, her figure illuminated by the light._

_"I have your mother, Tadashi. She's my light in the dark as well. As long as I have her, I don't need to be afraid of anything."_

_Tadashi's mother presses a tender kiss on his forehead._

_"One day Tadashi, you will find a person who will be your light and when you have them, the dark won't scare you," she says softly_

_"For now, you have the moon and you have us when the moon isn't there." His father adds._

_"We will always be there for you, Tadashi."_

_Tadashi..._

_Tadashi..._

"TADASHI!!!"

Suddenly everything feels too real and he hears Hinata's voice and someone shaking him relentlessly.

"TADASHI WAKE UP!"

He groans as all the pain comes rushing back to his body.

"Shoyou? is that you?"

Tadashi says trying to open his eyes to catch a glimpse of the redhead.

His vision remains dark as he feels his lids struggle to open, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks.

It was so dark....

Still, he can hear Hinata clearly, can feel him shifting nervously around him.

The boy is rambling nervously, a habit of his when panicked.

Tadashi attempts to open his eyes once more and feels his lids crack open, the cool air touching every part of his face.

Still. It was dark.

"Shoyou, I can't see you." He says genuinely puzzled and a bit panicky.

Hinata stares back in horror at his best friend lying on the ground.

Yamaguchi looked terrible.

His nightclothes were torn and dirty, patches of burnt cloth revealing equally burnt and bloody skin underneath. His body was twisted at an odd angle, though thankfully not quite unnatural. 

His face, however....

Dried blood streaked over the usually freckled skin, a crusted gash on his forehead and several smaller burn wounds on his cheeks and face, fresh and dried blood was pooling from one of his eyelids.

His eyes were open but they were bloodshot, milky and dulled.

Hinata waves a hand over his faces and watches as Yamaguchi's pupils stay unresponsive, the usually bright brownish green , an unsettling milky color, dim and dull.

"Tadashi."

Hinata says slowly.

"I think you've gone blind."

*****************

Kei’s ears are ringing, a dull numbing noise making his head fuzzy and numb and painful.

_“Excuse me.”_

_He turns to a kind looking silver haired man who seems dressed importantly enough, the man turning to him with a concerned smile._

_“I’m looking for my brother, he works in the castle. His name is Tsukishima Akiteru”_

_Kei says trying to act like an adult in front of such an important looking man._

_“Ah, Tsukishima-kun is in the library. It’s down the next long corridor, the big double door at the corner. I can-“_

_Suddenly the man is interrupted by a rather irritable voice calling from the distance._

_“Suga!”_

_The man immediately looks behind Kei, the blond also turning to see a scowling black haired boy stalking towards them. Kei dislikes the boy immediately, noting the haughty, proud expression on his face._

_The man smiles apologetic as he turned towards the boy who seemed to be around Kei’s age. Only then does the blond boy see the thin golden circlet the boy wears around his head and the finery of his clothes which seem even better made then the man’s._

_“Thank you for your help um-“ Kei says trying not to be rude._

_“Sugawara Koushi, first adviser to the King.”_

_Kei’s head is whirling at the idea that he had just met the king and his first adviser in that one day. However, if Sugawara-san was the first adviser, then what was Akiteru-nii’s position? Usually, Kings as young as King Kageyama who he had just seen had a first adviser, a primary nobleman’s son who usually was raised together with him, a council of elders and a assembly of scholars as well. At least, that was what he read on the latest manuscript his father had given him._

Kei shook off the odd thoughts as he pushed the door of the library open quietly, stepping inside and trying to be as silent as possible. He looked in awe at the scholars of the King’s assembly, dressed in their finery, sat in their separate, finely crafted tables and luxurious chairs, nose bent over books, making notes on separate pieces of parchment, probably to be presented to the King later.

The scholar’s apprentices flitted around, replacing the books they had finished with new ones, replacing finished bottles of ink with fresh ones, sometimes sitting to write as the scholar himself dictated notes. The library errand boys stood in attention, almost too many to count, often taking the books from the apprentices and putting them back on the shelves, going to the storage to bring back new ink bottles and disposing of the old ones, some even sweeping the library floors and dusting the shelves.

Kei could not find his brother, not among the scholars, most were as old as his father, the few on the younger side seemingly older than his brother. He couldn’t find his brother among the apprentices either, they seemed about his brother’s age but he didn’t see Akiteru. Suddenly he heard his brother’s voice from outside and quietly slipped out the door and peeked out of the corner to see if Akiteru was there.

What Kei saw next made his blood run cold.

Akiteru, who he was so used to seeing with his confident smile, stood there, head bent and dressed in the uniform of an errand boy. The man who seemed to be the head scholar, his hair greying considerably, spoke to him in a firm tone.

“You’re how old now, boy? 21?”

“Yes sir” Kei had never heard his brother use this type of tone before, he seemed defeated in an almost pathetic way.

“And none of the scholars have proposed apprenticeship yet?”

Akiteru seemed to deflate even more at this sentiment, Kei’s heart clenching as an influx of emotions started to strangle him.

“No sir.”

The head scholar sighed as he looked down at Akiteru’s bent head.

“I’m sorry, boy, but even if you came here with that Baron’s letter, your time is up. I won’t be seeing tomorrow, I’m afraid.”

Akiteru seemed near tears as he nodded, the man half heartedly patting his shoulder before walking away. Kei watches Akiteru look up and suddenly their eyes meet.

His brother looks horrified; shocked that Kei had come all the way to see this. Kei’s ears are ringing so loudly, his head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton.

How could you? His words went unspoken. How could you lie to me like this?

Kei feels nothing now but anger, his words nothing but malice as he spits one out just for his brother, face twisted in anger and betrayal.

“Lame.”

***************

Yamaguchi didn't know what happened after that.

Hinata comes back after saying he would go to find his mother and Natsu. He doesn't speak at all. Instead, he pulls Tadashi into an almost crushing embrace and Tadashi feels the soft trembling of his friend's body, feels the tears that have yet to dry on his face.

Both of them weep that night, Hinata crying silently for the mother and sister he had lost and Yamaguchi mourning the loss of his mother and the disappearance of his father. They are orphans now.

Yamaguchi sees no more as Hinata speaks no more.

They spend their days in the woods of their childhood, trying to heal. Hinata builds them a small shelter out of the wreckage and Tadashi sets himself upon the painstaking process of treating their wounds. He describes the plants he needs to Hinata in detail, taking them from the redhead's hands to feel them, smell them before setting to work. Soon, Hinata learns from watching him, learns what salve to apply to Yamaguchi's face so the wounds wouldn't scar too much. He learns how treat his own wounds, treat fevers by watching Tadashi grind and mix draught after draught, the freckled boy's unseeing eyes providing no hindrance to what was ingrained in his memory.

Yamaguchi develops a system of signals with Hinata, his once talkative friend was still quite expressive. Between his lack of sight and Hinata's lack of speech, they managed.

Months pass and suddenly a cavern of travelling gypsies comes upon their little shelter in the woods. Yamaguchi treats some of their ill members and Hinata offers food to them out of hospitality. Grateful, the leader, Akaashi-san, everyone calls him, offers them a ride to the next big town where they could easily settle down, a "friend' of his would help them.

After a brief discussion, Yamaguchi and Hinata accept, both of them are 16 now and need to move forward.

Akaashi-san takes them to Karasuno, one of the towns near the capitol, leaving them in the care of a smiling man who Hinata immediately nicknames "Rooster-head" much to Yamaguchi's amusement.

Kuroo-san is strange but kind, helping them construct a cottage on the empty land next to his house and leaving them with enough supplies to last them.

He takes them to a tavern where Hinata gets a job. The owner of the tavern takes both of them under her wing, Yamaguchi putting his skill in brewing and making draughts into cooking, the other ones working in the tavern eternally kind and patient with him.

Life goes on as usual and Yamaguchi moves forward and tries to leave the past behind.

Then he saw him again....

***********

Kei doesn't speak to Akiteru again.

The brothers come home and their mother immediately starts fussing over Kei, asking what kept him so late, the 15 year old blandly reassuring her. Akiteru tells their father that he lost his job and his father immediately tells him that he accompanies him tomorrow at the merchant's market. Akiteru takes on his father's trade, the trade that was supposed to be his, the trade that now was his without complaint. His father's eyes meet his and unspoken words are said.

_Keep in mind Akiteru_

_That you were a big fish in a small pond..._

_Karasuno is not a small pond_

Kei watches the image of his confident older brother crumble into a sobbing mess, kneeling on the floor of his room, his finery from Amemaru defaced on the ground, the letters from the Baron in shreds. He swears that he would never let ambition be his downfall.

Ironically, even without Akiteru, all his time goes to studies. Nothing else was interesting, save for the tongue lashings he'd give on a regular basis when he went out to acquire manuscripts from the town library. Dusty, old bunches of parchment bound together by leather strings. Kei reads on every subject possible, Latin, Logic, Grammar, Philosophy, Anthropology, Theology, Theory, Science, Mathematics and the Arts. He even studies the Greek philosophers of Aristotle and Plato. His father refers him to a monastic school near the outskirts of town and once a week, he comes to the classes, standing at the back as the sons of noblemen sit down for a lecture. Kei likes knowledge, likes the feeling of learning something whether it be useful or rather obscure everyday, enjoys peppering his snarky remarks with intelligent words.

At 16 however, he has no desire to get a prestigious job, having learned and learned well from Akiteru's mistakes.

At 16, he has grown, having been taller then average for most of his life, his height now surpasses both Akiteru and his father, cutting a rather intimidating figure as he towers over most people. His face is an artfully constructed mask of serenity, easily twisted into sarcasm and often covered with indifference.

At 16, he has no grand plans, no ambitions, no goals for himself except to learn and educate himself well.

He cares nothing for romance despite the amount of merchant's daughters he knows are gazing at him longingly as he strolls.

Indeed, Tsukishima Kei found no purpose in his life at all.

That was however, before he met Kuroo Tetsurou


	4. The Eyes that Betray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See that Truth that Hurts  
> Wishing it wasn't  
> The Truth  
> Yet it is...
> 
>  
> 
> Why?....

_See that Truth that Hurts_

_Wishing it wasn't_

_The Truth_

_Yet it is..._

Yamaguchi quietly mixes the drink ordered by the patron. It's a slow day at the tavern and he can't wait to get back home.

Home...

Home now was a small cottage in the quieter parts of town. Hinata had helped him plant a small herb garden and Kuroo-san had helped them settle in. It wasn't much, a modest kitchen with a wooden table and a few chairs, an outhouse and a small room with twin beds and a dresser. However, it was home, not a far walk from the tavern and close enough to the market. 

It was their new life.

They could forget the village of their childhood, now ruins of ash and dust, all the people they knew and loved growing up gone. They could forget the hardships of the forest, the tiny makeshift shelter they lived in for months, trying to manage themselves. They could forget most especially the pain and sorrow of their past, tucking it away inside their hearts, maybe resurfacing on particularly bad nights where they woke each other up with their twin sobs, holding onto each other till morning. Wiping each other's tears and carrying on. Falling into the comforting monotone rhythm of the day, pushing everything back into the depths of their heart.

Yamaguchi hands the drink over to Kiyoko-san to be served to the patrons. He walks back effortlessly to the bar, having gotten accustomed to his surroundings. The only indications of his blindness being his milky dull eyes and the cane he kept as his aid. As he began to clean the goblets, he hears the nervous voice of Yachi, one of the waitresses at the bar, calls him.

"Um...Yamaguchi-kun?" She asks, her voice seemed more nervous then it already is.

"Yes, Yachi-san?" He says without facing her, and even if he did, he wouldn't see her surprise at him knowing it was her.

"There's a man at the bar who wants to talk to you?" She said making it sound like a question. He pauses before asking.

"Really? What does he look like?" He says cautiously. "Is he suspicious looking?"

"N-not r-really? Um...I d-don't know I mean I'm not a good judge of character, I-" Yachi stammers, easing the bad feeling in his stomach.

"Yachi-san?" He repeats more at ease now.

"He's about your height with brown hair and a beard. He has green eyes and oh! He has freckles like you, Yamaguchi-kun." 

Yamaguchi stops dead in his track. Blood roars in his ear and his heart is pounding almost painfully in his chest. Only one man that he knows fits that description perfectly. And that man was the reason his mother crumbled, the reason he lost her, the reason for his old life falling apart.

"T..Take me to him.." He says to Yachi, slightly choked up as he reaches for his cane.

"A-are you sure Yamaguchi-kun? I can tell Ukai-san that someone's asking for you." 

Yamaguchi nods as she leads him. "I can talk to him but alert Ukai-san to be on the lookout just in case something happens."

They stop at a table and Yamaguchi feels Yachi let go of his arm. He stares blankly. Then a voice rings out and echoes in his head, a voice that he hasn't heard in years.

"Tadashi."

"Hello, Papa."

***************

Tsukishima is 16 when he meets Him. He can't forget that day.

As usual, he's making a walk back from the town library, holding the precious manuscripts he had for the day. He decides to pass through the quieter streets. Among the modest houses and cottages, a rather tall sort of house sticks out like a cat among crows. 

He eyes it curiously but maintains a blank expression on his face, perfectly composed. Then he hears it, a deep sort of voice that catches his attention, ringing out through the quiet streets.

"Oi Megane-kun!"

He turns toward the source of the voice and pauses.

The man is in his late 20s, maybe early 30s. His black hair is a spectacular mess, sticking out in odd angles, bangs hanging over one eye. Tsukishima quietly wonders how it could be physically possible to have such hair. The man's voice is accented, he notes, probably a settler from another town or kingdom even. His skin is tanned, obviously not a result of the cool or even cold weather of this town, most of the residents pale as he was. Then he catches the man's gaze, his eyes are hazel, a sharp color, crafty, calculating and brimming with intelligence, somehow mirroring Tsukishima's own. The man is strangely attractive, he could admit. For some reason, Tsukishima's breath catches in his throat and his heart beats faster than normal, heat slowly creeping up his cheeks. Nevertheless, he composes himself, allowing a slightly interested but for most reasons, neutral expression.

"Yes? I believe you're referring to me?" To his annoyance, the man smirks at him.

"If you have no other reason to talk to me aside from wasting my time by catching my attention, I shall be on my way." Tsukishima snaps slightly, starting to walk again.

"That manuscript you have, Draconian Theories, I believe Megane-kun?" The man inquires stopping Tsukishima once again.

"My name is Tsukishima Kei, not Megane-kun." Tsukishima retorts. This man was quite provoking.

The man merely flashes him another rather irking smile. "Nice to meet you Kei-kun. I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, scholar of the King's Royal Assembly."

Tsukishima is too busy staring to admonish him for calling him Kei-kun. Suddenly realizing himself, he snaps once again.

"And what is a scholar doing outside of the Royal Library?"

Kuroo eyes him. "Well, I happen to be looking for an apprentice. Judging from your choice of manuscripts, would you be interested?"

*************

 Yamaguchi doesn't know whether to cry or yell. His father is in front of him, after so many years, yet he's glad he can't see his face.

"Tadashi..your eyes...I-"

"Why?..." Yamaguchi musters and suddenly the overflowing dam inside him breaks and he's crying and yelling.

"Why did you leave? Why did you leave Mama? Why did you leave me? What were you thinking Papa? Why this..? Wh-"

"I'm so sorry Tadashi." His father says. But all Yamaguchi hears is a man who isn't as sorry as he says. His inability to see helping him rely entirely on what he heard, being able to decipher voices and emotions.

His father is sorry. But Yamaguchi hears no regret, maybe some guilt but his father doesn't regret what he did. Maybe it's his head spinning out of control that makes him snap.

"Sorry for what Papa? Mama is dead. She crumbled after you left. They burned our house because you joined the rebels. They burned our village, our home. How could you?" Yamaguchi's chest is heaving right now, he's sure his face is twisting in pain, can feel the tears streaming down his cheeks.

His father remains silent, no doubt trying to comprehend what he had just said. 

"Tadashi I-"

Yamaguchi never hears his next words. Instead, the door opens with a thud and the clattering of the soldier's boots come rushing in.

"The rebels! Get them all!"

Yamaguchi feels a warm hand drag him back into the kitchen in a flash. Before he can panic, he hears Madame Ukai's voice asking if he was alright. He nods numbly and once again when she dismisses Hinata and him early, telling them to rest.

That night, it's Hinata who holds him as he soaks the bed with tears. The faded images of a father that looked at him with the most utter fondness hidden in the depths of his heart, unable to be replaced with the no longer comforting voice of a man that he once called "Papa".

The next morning, as they walk towards the tavern, Tadashi hears a commotion. He could feel the crowd's frenzy, could smell the fresh blood and burnt flesh. Most of all, he could hear the wailing, not of a human but more of a wounded animal. But the haze in his head keeps him from wondering. Instead, he feels Hinata stop dead in front of the commotion.

"What is it?"

Nothing. Hinata signals back.

"What does the corpse look like?"

He's not dead yet...but he wants to be.

His hands and feet are nailed to the wall by knives and his stomach is ripped open. One of his eyes is gouged out and...

Yamaguchi cuts Hinata off feeling how uncomfortable the boy was getting. As they continued, Hinata decided not to mention that the man's one green eye is staring right at them.

Yamaguchi would never meet his father again. But his heart had turned cold against him.

**************

Kuroo Tetsurou was officially the most infuriating human being Tsukishima had met in all his 16 years of life.

He was well spoken yes, educated, absolutely worthy of being a King's scholar. He was, however, utterly provoking and had the most ridiculous hair Tsukishima had seen. He was also extremely childish for a man who was at least 10 years his senior. 

Still, Tsukishima found himself coming back, justifying that the knowledge Kuroo could offer was something he could not pass up. 

He took to the role of a scholar's apprentice like a crow to the rubbish, greedily scraping whatever knowledge he could. He lay low among the apprentices who quit calling him merchant boy after being at the mercy of his sharp tongue. 

But for all the science and math and logic he studied, nothing could explain the feeling he had for Kuroo. The man was his teacher but still, he was much more. Tsukishima wasn't blind, he acknowledged how attractive Kuroo was, many of the female servants of the castle mooning over his exotic good looks.

He could simply write it off as a product of puberty, a silly whim of a teenager, a small infatuation. That was until it became more than a small infatuation.

He found himself struggling not to falter under the older man's hazel eyes. His breath catching whenever he was privileged to witness Kuroo's intense debates with other scholars and their own discussions. It didn't help that however provocative Kuroo was, his words often held no malice. He was incredibly kind to anyone he met, most especially to peasants and the serfs. Generous with what he had and concerned for other people's welfare, he gave often. Extremely intelligent and quite patient, he took the time to explain when he noticed Tsukishima was struggling to grasp a concept.

Kuroo's discussion with him was...radical, some wagging tongues he was sure would call it revolutionary. But however outlandish or rebellious the idea was, it was logical.

"Ah Tadashi-kun, Shoyou-kun, you're back early today. Ukai-san let you off?"

They had been studying the herbs in the garden of the cottage next door to Kuroo's house, the scholar claiming the cottage belonged to a friend. Said friend was now walking up the pathway towards them.

Tsukishima looked up to see 2 boys about his age but an air about them like they had seen too much. The orange haired boy was quite short, his face childlike and his lips spread into a wide smile. It seems almost too wide. Then he really sees Tsukishima and his gold eyes widen considerably, staring up at him as if he were some sort of curiosity. Tsukishima can't help the snark that came next.

"There's no need to look me in the face, Shrimpy. You might strain your neck for having to look up." The gold eyes narrowed but still, the boy didn't say anything. "Oh at a loss for words?"

"Shoyou's mute but even if he did speak, I don't think he would waste words on you." the taller of the two piped up.

Tsukishima met his dull, milky brownish-green eyes, the boy staring blankly at him, his hand clutching to a cane. For once in his life, he didn't know what to say.

"I-" 

"Shoyou and I will be resting, please be careful with my herbs, Kuroo-san." The boy says, the bite in his words gone. The orange haired boy who was called Shoyou apparently shot him one last glare before leading the other boy into the cottage.

Kuroo wished them well before his face settled into a grim line after meeting Tsukishima's questioning gaze.

"Hinata Shoyou and Yamaguchi Tadashi came here a year ago, a good friend of mine brought them here and I helped them start out. Their village rebelled so the King ordered it to be burned to the ground. They specifically started a fire in Tadashi-kun's house because his father was one of the rebels. Both boys lost their families. Shoyou-kun stopped speaking after coming back to his house and finding it burnt to ashes and his family reduced to bones. Tadashi-kun's face was burnt severely but he was a healer so he was able to treat the scars. Still, he is blind."

Tsukishima felt his heart clench in sympathy as Kuroo continued.

"The village had perfectly good reasons to rebel. Taxes there were raised, the ruler appointed by the King was abusive and commanded the soldiers to do terrible things, there was no room for negotiation. The law gives the King too much power. Especially a ruler like our King, nothing more than a spoiled child who was raised to be a tyrant. In the best interests of the people, this must end."

Kuroo had a steely look in his eyes, one that sent a shiver down Tsukishima's spine. Suddenly a tanned hand is on his shoulder and he nearly flinches at the warmth but secretly relishes the contact as hazel eyes stare into his own, their faces so close that he could just-

"Is this idea one of treason, Tsukishima?" Kuroo's voice echoes in his ear. Tsukishima finds himself shaking his head.

"It is one of rebirth."

Kuroo seems to take to him in a new light after this. Their discussions become for intimate, more secretive. In essence, Tsukishima is glad he speaks so little back at home for the ideas in his head would surely be a scandal if his loyalist family found out. He relishes his closeness to Kuroo, proud he was the only one to bear witness to the older man's deepest wonderings.

One day his father says that they are moving back to Amemaru and it takes everything in Tsukishima not to lash out. Sales here have been slow, the King's favored merchants garner the most attention apparently.

Anyone with the King's favor has it better than the rest of us, Tsukishima thinks spitefully.

Amemaru is better for his father who can do better business, better for his mother who can once again be one of the nobles of the village, better for his brother who could become the favorite of the Baron and get his reputable job back. But Amemaru has nothing for him, no vast libraries, no university, no Kuroo to climb the ranks with.

So he objects quietly, saying he is 16, old enough to fend for himself. Akiteru and his mother protest but his father stays silent, looking at his second son who has risen to do what his first could not. In the end, Tsukishima moves into Kuroo's house and spends even more time, their discussions lasting till the wee hours of the morning.

Months pass and Tsukishima's feelings for Kuroo grow. But it's the day he gains Kuroo's full trust that everything shatters.

It's a particularly taxing day at the castle, the King himself made a rare visit to lord over them.

Unlike the others who simper and prostrate themselves at the King's feet, Tsukishima keeps composure, giving his own input with confidence but not overcompensating. He dares to meet the King's eyes, noting they are an imperial dark blue. The king's adviser, Sugawara Koushi who he had met all those years ago in the incident of Akiteru looked at him with interest.

They looked even more interested when he coolly defended Kuroo's recent studies and proposals, the bedhead himself looking at him with a strange glimmering sort of emotion.

Kuroo seems oddly pleased with today's events and proceeds to sit them down for today's after-studies reflection. The bedheaded man was oddly quiet and uncharacteristically serious. No banter was exchanged as the older man proceeded to speak.

"Do you consider yourself a trustworthy person, Tsukishima?"

The blond blinked once. Then once again before answering, phrasing his words carefully, immediately understanding the scholar's motive.

"You entrust me with your deepest thoughts, the keys to your house, the position as your apprentice. You bid me share your home, you have knowledge of my lack of motive to do what is malicious. Do you consider me then, a trustworthy person, Kuroo-san?"

Tsukishima knows he said the right thing as soon as Kuroo responded. " Follow me Kei-kun."

Kuroo takes him to the only room that he never enters, forever locked whether the bedhead man is in it or not. Kuroo's bedroom is simply furnished, a bed, a bookshelf, a desk with various sheets of parchment scattered on it. What catches Tsukishima's attention is the singular portrait on the wall. It's not very large but the frame is finely made. It depicts a familiar looking man with catlike features, dirty blond hair fanning over his face, gold eyes strangely pensive, he is clothed in lavish finery, posing by a red background with several cats around him.

"That's King Kenma Kozume of the Northwestern Kingdom of Tokyo." Tsukishima says rather perplexed. Then he sees the way Kuroo stares at the image and his heart drops at how much adoration he can see in the older man's eye.

"He is my King," Kuroo states in a voice that implies that the man in the portrait is more than just his King.

"So you are a spy, seeking to infiltrate our Kingdom?" Tsukishima says to the older man. "Does that disturb you?"

Tsukishima finds himself shrugging indifferently despite the painful clenching of his chest. "The kingdom deserves a more capable leader and laws based on justice. I share your ideology."

Tsukishima is numb. The sting of unrequited feelings slowly being replaced by a new hunger, one he cannot pinpoint yet.

The next day, Tsukishima finds out he has been promoted to scholar by a special order highly suspected to be Sugawara's. No longer Kuroo's apprentice, he uses this as an opportunity to distance him from the older man, easing the sting and directing him to a new aim. Still, Tsukishima hungers for an unspeakable sort of satisfaction, one he cannot name. While his heart has betrayed him, his mind is still sound.

**Author's Note:**

> Shio here:)
> 
> So this is in the same universe as My King but focuses more on Tsukkiyama.
> 
> Really appreciate comments and suggestions for the story.


End file.
